The Comparison Trap

by Wendy Perrotti

A few years ago, I interviewed Lesley Jane Seymour (former Editor-in-Chief of MORE Magazine & CoveyClub Founder) for my podcast.

We were talking about some of the women she’d interviewed over the years – women who had reinvented after 40.  

I asked her to share her favorite interview question. (I’m no dummy, Lesley has interviewed people like Michelle Obama and Drew Barrymore while she was exactly my 3rd interview ever.)

Her answer?  

“I always ask about the struggle.”

She went on to talk about how eager A-listers were to share about the decades of blood, sweat and tears they'd put in before their “meteoric rise” into the spotlight.

It made me think about a particular butterfly I was watching fly over the lake at Kripalu.

Corny I know, but I’ve loved Monarch butterflies since I was a little girl.  They’ve always felt like they were there just for me – looping and swooping with no apparent plan, just for the beauty and joy of it.  

I’ve always thought of them as a reminder to sit back and enjoy the ride a bit.

I'd never thought about the struggle.

I’ll spare you the played-out metamorphosis story about how they need to struggle to become a butterfly in the first place…  

What surprised me as I sat at that lake, was how different their carefree flight pattern looked when viewed from a different context.

The butterfly in question had been entertaining me – swirling, twirling, fluttering. I watched intently as it flew farther away, heading out across the lake.  

Ever heard the phrase making a bee-line? This butterfly was indisputably not.

Seen from this perspective, all those loops looked exhausting. How on earth would that tiny little thing flutter it’s was across that huge lake?

It seemed monumental.

That's when I realized it was probably on its way to Mexico.

MEXICO! Over 2,000 miles from that Massachusetts lake.

It’s so easy for us to see something or someone that we consider beautiful – at apparent ease in their surroundings – and think “lucky duck,” when in reality those ducks are working their tail feathers off beneath the surface of the water they’re gliding on.

When you find that you’re comparing yourself to others…

• Remind yourself that you’re only seeing a snippet of their story.
• Lean in to your own strengths and visualize the many obstacles you’ve already overcome.
• See your whole life as one continuous progression of growth – living doesn’t come in starts and stops.
• Keep your eyes on your prize remember why you’re willing to play all in.

HINT: A few words about struggle - it too is merely perception.  Change your story about the experience and you’ll change the experience itself.