I Wish I'd Have Shut Up Sooner

by Wendy Perrotti

Words have power.
My parents should have washed my mouth out with soap.

If you know me, you're thinking it’s because I have a mouth like a f*cking sailor.
And you'd be right - lol.

But, that’s not what I’m talking about.

As a child, a young adult and, if I’m honest with you, well into my 40s, I was the queen of self-deprecation.I was hilarious while I was telling you what a loser I was.

I thought it would make you like me.

Just like swearing, somewhere along the way I picked up the habit of putting myself down.
I’m not alone.  

My daughter, feeling the stress of being away at college tells me (and absolutely anyone with ears) that she’s "crazy" or "having a psychotic break."  

She’s not.

Friends tell me what they’re "bad at."
Colleagues tell me how they "really bombed."
Clients tell me why they’ll "never be able to" do the thing they want to do.

Don’t even get me started on saying "sorry."  

Of course, if you’ve done something worthy of an apology, go ahead and apologize for it.

But, for god’s sake, you don’t need to say "sorry" because you happen to have your cart in front of the item I’ve decided to look at in Target.

The problem with self-deprecating stories, declarations of self-doubt or the ubiquitous "sorry" is that they are habits - things you repeat over and over again without even realizing it.

NEWSFLASH.

Repetition is the way we learn.

All of that repetition is teaching you, and me, and everyone else, what you can't do, or that you’re crazy or ugly or stupid or "sorry."

Being a gagger myself and because it’s downright abusive, I can’t abide washing your mouth out with soap, but I will (strongly) suggest you kick the habit of putting yourself down.

Instead, try teaching me, you, and anyone listening what's great about you. Try saying THANK YOU - and nothing else - when I compliment you.

And the next time you're cart is in my way at Target, try something like, "Oh. Let me move that a bit," instead of apologizing.

In fact, if you really want to be my friend, you'll meet me out front, at that big red ball, and send me right back to my car.  Maybe you'll invite me for a coffee.  

After all, do either of us really need anything that's in there?